it's ok.....

justin went out of town overnight and our little L has hard time whenever he leaves. she cried the night before and the morning of his departure. it's absolutely heartbreaking.... we made it through the day and night yesterday without any major breakdown. {i brought in the reinforcements- the uncles, erica and tiara!}

this morning the girls had a fashion/talent show. i sat at the bottom of the stairs and they came parading down the stairs singing the entire time. this is how L's song went....

it's ok, it's ok.. he will comfort you, sadness will go away, it's ok, it's ok, he's my friend, he will comfort you, Jesus it's ok, even when your mom and dad go away, you can wake up in the morning and it's ok...

a little glimpse into her heart... it's ok......

a new year... in many ways.

yesterday, justin and i sat down with our coffee to write out our goals for 2009. we sealed them in an envelope, not to be opened until next new years eve. as i was writing out my desires, goals, struggles from past years, i was struck with how far i've come in one year and yet, how far i have to go....

i'll share a struggle with you. GUILT.

i looked up GUILT in the dictionary:

- guilt is an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something that one believes one should not have done (or conversely, having not done something one believes one should have done).

my struggle tends to be the conflict i face when i feel that i have let someone down, or haven't fulfilled the expectations i have put on myself. today, this really hit me when i prepared to clean the house after the past month of busyness. i felt overwhelmed with every corner i passed, with every drawer i opened, with every load of laundry, with every cabinet that needed to be washed down. i quickly got hit with all the GUILT.. how could i have let my family down? why can't i seem to get it all done? am i lazy, am i selfish? the list goes on...

i thought i was getting better and i believe that i have given so much of it over to God. but, i do know that i have a long way to go in this area. i still carry with me so much of wanting to please everyone, i hate to disappoint, i hate to say no. i know that God is stripping away these layers and that this is not what He wants for me. i trust Him. i need to lay this at His feet. my desire is that i'm obedient and that all i do glorifies Him, not man...

i'm looking forward to what God has in store for me this year. the most encouraging part is that i'm not the one in charge.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation
of my heart be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19 :14

dear heavenly father, i surrender the guilt to you. i know Lord, that it does not please you. i want to be filled with you. i want your desires for me to be my desires. i thank you that i can lay this at your feet and you wipe me clean. as i begin the new year, Lord, may my words and actions be pleasing to you. may i set aside my earthly flesh and be filled with your holy spirit.

At Home

so, i've started another blog.... i thought this could be a fun way of sharing practical and maybe a few impractical ways of caring for our homes and families. check it out and let me know what you think... http://athomeministries.blogspot.com

blessings all!

sunday

justin's been reading to the girls every night from the New England Primer. it was the first school book for young children. it's based on old and new testament scripture and gives life lessons in how to live according to God's Word. i encourage you all with young children to pick up a copy. it's for sale on christianbook.com for $6.00 {not including shipping}. this is a treasured book in our home.

justin has been at the men's retreat this weekend and had the privilege of leading the men in a saturday morning devotional. he read from the Primer. i thought i'd share the same this morning.. i believe this speaks volumes.................

Have communion with FEW,
be intimate with ONE,
deal justly with ALL,
speak evil of NONE
- The New England Primer.

edited: even if you don't have small children, pick up a copy!!

convicted...

last night we had the pleasure of having a brother in Christ over for dinner. justin met him one night at church about a year ago and God has just brought these two men closer together. the interesting thing about our friend is that he's in the film industry and has recently finished writing a script for an upcoming movie, based on a true story. the story is one of forgiveness. justin and i have both had the honor of reading the script and it's a hard one at times to get through. through the past year, we've been praying for this film we both feel that it's an important story to tell and we've committed to coming alongside our friend to see this to the end. it was so awesome to sit and listen to his vision for the film and how God has been changing lives just through the whole process. that's actually a story of it's own.... as we were closing the evening, he showed me the inspiration for his film and i wept......

with a heavy heart and a huge pit in my stomach, i prayed myself to sleep last night. i prayed for each of my children and for their futures and for the fact that God has given us these priceless beings for a short time. i prayed that they would have a heart of forgiveness and i prayed that for myself. i prayed that i would not let bitterness, wrath, resentment well up inside of me, but forgive just as God has forgiven me. i needed the reminder tonight that only God knows the number of our days, and how unforgiveness can lead to a whole host ugliness, not to mention, disobedience. i also, want my children to see in me a heart of compassion and grace, someone who is quick to forgive and forgot. i so often get caught up in the record of wrongs, ugh... it's so yucky to live like that. there is freedom in surrendering.........

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the richest of His grace.
Ephesians 1;7

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

a new day

{ i went for a morning walk today and this song was on my ipod- thought i'd share the words, they spoke right to my heart.}

Full Attention

{words and music by Jeremy Riddle}

May your voice be louder and
May your voice be clearer
Than all the others, than all the others
And may your face be dearer
And may your words be sweeter
Than all the others, than all the others in my life

Please keep my eyes fixed on you
Please root my heart so deep in you
Keep me abiding, keep me abiding
Keep me abiding that I may yield fruit

And may your presence be truer
And may your presence be nearer
Than all the others, than all the others
And may your light shine brighter
And may your love move deeper
Than all the others, than all the others in my life

Please keep my eyes fixed on you
Please root my heart so deep in you
Keep me abiding, yes, keep me abiding
Keep me abiding that I may yield fruit

Please keep my eyes fixed on you
Please move my heart so deep in you
Keep me asking, keep me asking
Keep me abiding that I, oh that I may yield fruit
Keep me close to you, oh, right next to your heart
Right next to your heart, close to you.

oh Lord, that is my prayer that your voice would be clearer than any others. please help me to keep my eyes fixed on you. i want to keep abiding in you. in the midst of the unknown, i KNOW that you reign. thank you for a new day and for many blessings you so freely give. may i trust more, pray more, love more, give more, obey more, honor you more, speak more about you, serve more, know you more......................

a lovely morning

this morning I took L and S to the river to feed the ducks. the bummer was, there were no ducks. so, we decided to take a little walk into the bosque. we had a blast, laughing, singing, running-they were so fun. S loved running in the woods and looking at all the sticks. L is such a great sister, she walked closely next to S and made sure he didn't trip. we missed M so much, but i did enjoy just spending time with the two. i need to do this more often....





thank you Lord, that you blessed me with such a beautiful morning. the warm sun, the laughter of my children, the beauty of your creation. i'm in awe of how you know just what i need and when i need it. i pray that i hold onto this day and treasure the time spent, it was a wonderful gift.